The great thing about blogs is the ability to express your opinion. Sometimes reading one that differs from your own opinion really gets you thinking. I read one just the other day about a man who was offended by people throwing “divorce” parties. His points were well taken. To paraphrase he mentioned “We don’t just divorce someone because they change, and we don’t celebrate that we quit on each other” He knows he will be with his wife until one of them dies. Good for him. I agree and I felt the same way at one time but guess what? I got a divorce and I had a divorce party. But here’s the deal. I didn’t quit on anyone and I didn’t celebrate the end of something but the beginning of a new life for myself. The author said he will “ignore the ingrates that throw divorce parties” That’s fine because I am happy to be ignored by people who judge me. I have had a lifetime of judgment since my divorce – I honestly need no more, thank you very much. I didn’t leave my husband because he changed. I left him because he would not. He refused to grow as a person or as a couple. I don’t have to explain to anyone why – only to know in my heart I did everything I could to keep my marriage alive. It takes two people to do that. It’s not as simple as “someone quit” and placing blame doesn’t suddenly make it heal. Anyone that has been through a divorce knows it’s not easy. It’s a sad, difficult journey that no one ever wants to go through. Everyone has hopes and dreams on their wedding day of “until death do us part”. It is so easy to judge someone if you have not been there. It is a heartbreaking experience. Does that mean you should be ashamed? We try at many things in life and fail. Why is marriage one that we are not allowed to forgive ourselves or each other for failing? Why are we not allowed to come out of it with our head held up and courage to move forward? I think if we can use maturity, forgive what we have done wrong, put our children first and wish each other well in life we can quit calling divorce ugly. No it’s not a happy time initially but as all things come to an end we have a choice – we can deal with it and move on or we can mope and live in the past.
I don’t wish for anyone to get divorced but I don’t wish for anyone to be judged for doing so. I still believe in love. I still cry at weddings. I still am a romantic at heart and want love in my life. I’m not a bad person for wanting happiness and love for myself and neither is anyone else for getting a divorce. Bottom line? Life is short. Whether love lasts 2 years, 50 years or a lifetime it’s not up to anyone else to determine. My wish is for every marriage to last forever but if it doesn’t and you end up going through a grueling, 2 yearlong battle like I did. Throw a damn party if you want! Invite your friends to thank them for their support and love that helped you get through one of the most difficult times in your life. Have a beer, glass of wine or cake and say “Here is to me and my new life!” and don’t let anyone tell you it is wrong. Realize that you are human, learn from your mistakes, take time to figure out who you are and vow that the next love of your life will be “until death do us part”.